Telling your children that you are getting a divorce can be one of the most difficult conversations you ever have in your life. Though about 40 to 50 percent of married couples get divorced, that doesn’t make the process any easier. Kids don’t care about statistics, they care about their family and how their life will be changing when their parents split up.
In today’s blog post, we’re sharing some tips for talking about divorce with your children. Continue reading to learn more, and if you’re in need of a divorce lawyer in Tempe, contact The Law Offices of Ronald Kossack.
Act Like A Team
Even if you’re in a contentious relationship with your partner, it’s important to broach the subject of divorce as a team. It’s okay if one person does most of the talking, it’s important that you both be there for the conversation and that you show a united front. If you’ve made a plan to have one person move out of the house, discuss that with your kids. Answer any questions they may have and remind them while their family situation is changing, your love for them never will.
Be Age-Appropriate
The way you explain divorce to a five-year-old will be much different from how you talk to a teenager. Teens may have already figured out the reason why you’re divorcing, but you should still take care to explain to them what has happened without blame and without exaggerating the poor behavior of you or your partner.
Don’t Blame Anyone
There are many many reasons why people get divorced, but regardless of the reason, it’s important to not blame anyone. That might mean that you don’t tell the whole truth to your kids and keep things simple. Choose your words carefully, and practice what you’re going to say beforehand. Here’s an idea for how to phrase it: “Your father and I have decided that we don’t love each other in the same way that we did when you were younger. While we love you just as much as we always have, we’re going to live in separate homes. None of this is your fault, we’ve just decided we need to live in a different way than we are now.”
Tell Them It’s Ok To Feel Sad
Let your kids know that you are there to answer any questions they have, whenever they have them, and that it’s ok to feel however they are feeling. You can even say something like: “Even though your mom and I know that this is the right decision, we’re both feeling sad about it too. But sometimes hard choices need to be made in order to do the best thing for our family.”
Give Your Kids Time
Once you’ve figured out where you and your partner will be living, give your kids time to process the information. Don’t move out immediately after the talk, instead try to keep things as normal as possible for around two weeks to answer questions and explain how things will be changing.
Part of giving your kids time is also talking in smaller, shorter time frames. A ten-minute conversation can be more effective than one that lasts twice as long, and you should return to the subject to give your child time to process, but also remind them that you haven’t changed your mind.
The Law Office of Ronald Kossack – Tempe Divorce Lawyer
We are proud to represent clients in Tempe and the surrounding area, including Phoenix, Mesa, Chandler, Gilbert, and Ahwatukee. If you’re looking for a divorce attorney or divorce mediation, we’d be more than happy to talk with you about your options and what we can do for you. We also focus on areas of paternity, child custody, decision-making, child support, and modifications to existing court orders. Schedule a free consultation today.